Discernment Counseling: When You’re Not Sure Whether to Stay or Leave
We help couples on the brink get clarity about their next step, without pressure, judgment, or rushed decisions.
You’re Stuck in a Painful Place
One of you is thinking seriously about leaving. The other wants to fight for the relationship. Traditional couples therapy doesn’t seem like the right fit because you're not even sure if you should stay together.
At Poole Conflict Solutions, we offer Discernment Counseling for couples in this exact situation. It’s a short-term, structured process that helps you get clear on whether to work on the relationship, move toward separation, or hit pause and decide later. No pressure. No pushing either of you in a direction you’re not ready for.
What To Expect During Sessions
Discernment Counseling is not regular couples counseling. It’s not about solving problems or learning new communication skills. It’s about answering one big question:
Should we try to work on this marriage?
We meet together briefly, then spend most of each session one-on-one with each partner. This gives each partner space to speak openly without pressure. We’ll look clearly at what’s working, what isn’t, and what is at stake for both of you.
We hold space for both sides, helping each of you reflect on:
How your relationship reached this point
Each of your contributions to the problems
What each of you needs going forward
Whether the relationship has the potential to heal
This process usually lasts 1–5 sessions. Each session is 90 minutes.
By the end of the process, most couples walk away with one of three paths:
Stay the same: No further action
Separate: Move forward with clarity and respect
Commit to couples therapy: A clear decision to work on the relationship
My role is to guide, reflect, and help you understand your choices, not to push you in any direction. If you decide to move forward with couples therapy afterward, you’ll have a clearer sense of what you’re working on and why.
Discernment Counseling Is Right For You If…
One or both of you feel unsure about staying together
You’re considering divorce but don’t want to make a rushed decision
One partner wants to work on the relationship and the other isn’t sure
You want a structured, supportive space to figure out your next step
You don’t want to start full couples therapy until you’re clearer on your goals
You feel stuck in the same arguments and don’t understand what’s keeping you there
Discernment Counseling Is Not Right For You If…
Both of you already know you want to work on the relationship
Both of you already know you want to separate
There is ongoing violence, coercion, or control
One partner is unwilling to be honest about an active affair
One partner refuses to participate
You’re looking for long-term treatment or weekly relationship work
Ready to Get Clarity?
At Poole Conflict Solutions, we support couples who feel overwhelmed by constant conflict, uncertainty, or the fear of making the wrong choice. We work with couples throughout Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, DC.
If you’re ready to slow down, understand what’s happening, and make a confident decision about your future, we’re here to help.